Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
