I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
