My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
