oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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