just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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