you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
