apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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