I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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