the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
