You really coming over, don't trick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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