I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
