He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
