How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Too much gin, very little bucket
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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