I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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