Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
