I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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