sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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