i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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