just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
