Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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