My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
