Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
