I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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