Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
