Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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