Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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