I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
