I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't put those talents on a resume
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
