Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
