Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
