I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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