so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize