the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
