I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
