3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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