I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
