Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
