Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
