True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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