No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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