my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
