so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
