Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
