maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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