Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
