if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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