everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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