i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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