Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
