my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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