She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
