Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
