I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
