i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
