My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
