This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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