I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
