We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015