i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE