After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha