I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way