have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.