Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky