marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there's paper in my vomit.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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