Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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