I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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