I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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