Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
