i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
