Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
