ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
