just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
