from now on my penis is your penis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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