Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
