I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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