She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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