Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
