Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
too bad you live with your parents still
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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