guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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