me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
