I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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