Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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