it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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