Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
