Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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